Friday, March 15, 2002

10:30 am

Well. I see that I have once more strayed from the straight and narrow way. I'll do better from now on, I promise. :-)

As long as we're on the subject of fear, and it's never far from my mind, these days, maybe I should muse a little bit on two very similar and very insidious kinds of fear -- fear of failure and fear of success. I find many times that I start on a project with good intentions and high hopes but soon find myself unsure and confused and finally just abandon the project and walk away, disgusted with it and with myself. Depending on circumstances, this can be caused by either of the beasts mentioned above. Fear of failure often leads to not even making the attempt. Fear of failure is also just another name for fear of rejection. Though the rejection of an anonymous editor costs me nothing, it is still a blow to my ego, and those bruises start to hurt after a while. I just don't seem to have the kind of attitude, I think of it as a special brand of arrogance, that would help me shrug it off and keep going with confidence in my abilities and the quality of my work.

Fear of success works very much the same, except that the reason for quitting falls more on the side of not being confident that I will be able to continue to work at the same level. What if I run out of ideas? What if the words just stop? I constantly struggle to remember to talk positively to myself and try to allay those fears.

I have promised myself that I will get back to work on "A Time to Every Purpose" today. I also need to get some stories sent out. I have several pretty good tales that need a home. They sure won't get published if I don't send them out.

BTW, I didn't get the job. Oh well. So I started my own business. Check out my website.

In the meantime, it's a gorgeous day, and the garden sings a siren song of springtime and sunshine.



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