Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Eliot Was Wrong

"April is the cruelest month"
T.S. Eliot -- The Waste Land

That's a load of crap. December leaves April snorting its dust.

The grass and leaves are brown and dead. The air has gone from cool to raw. The days are short, and whatever sunlight there is is too weak to help. On top of all that, a lot of us see Christmas hanging over us like Poe's Pendulum while we lie bound and helpless to avoid it. I have several reasons for disliking Christmas, but I will keep them between me, my wife, and my therapist for the time being.

To top it all off, my dreams the past two nights have been the unholiest I have had in months. They have been imbued with dark dread for the future and raging demons from my past. Let's just say that I am not very happy right now.

So, what to do? Sleep is pretty much out of the question. Eating is an option, but one I would rather avoid, since depression brings with it an insatiable craving for simple carbs like chips and cookies. Super-high blood sugar does not help anything. Basically, all I can do right now is sit under the sunlamp every chance I get, pull myself up far enough to go to work, and write, write, write. And wait it out. Things will turn around in due course.

Progress on "A Time to Every Purpose" has been outstanding. I am on what I hope will be the penultimate editing pass. After this one, First Reader gets her crack at it. She's seen this one twice over the past several years, but not since the last radical rewrite. She also understands the necessity of honesty, even when it's not what I want to hear. Even in this kind of mood, that's a good thing. It gives me something to focus on, something I can do something about.

I am also working on a synopsis of Washed in the Blood for Miss Snark's Crap-O-Meter at the end of the year. How can I write a synopsis for a novel that's not even half-finished yet? The same way I'm writing the novel itself: make it up as I go. So far, I have found a couple of interesting ideas to work into the plot. A peculiar way to focus, maybe, but I have a reputation to uphold, after all.

I am also working on "That Others May Live" from time to time. Now is a good time to explore Jenna's pain, since I can sympathize so deeply right now. The key to this story is getting down to where it really hurts and getting that into words. Again, now is a good time for honesty. If I'm going to be crying anyway, I might as well have something to cry about.

Enough with the self-pity. Half a league, half a league, half a league onward. Or something.

Side note apropos of nothing at all: Why are such a high percentage of drivers of Chevrolet and GMC SUV's morons? Do they have to show proof of flunking an IQ test to qualify for ownership? Or is that just in Georgia?


At 11:37 AM, Blogger Melly said...

February is usually the cruelest to me. It's the one that lingers, that just finishes me off. In March there's hope, January we're still buzzed from the holidays, December, we're getting used to the winter. So it's February for me.

I think you a brave man from trying out to the snark-o-meter. Let us know...


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