Thursday, December 01, 2005

The FUD Factor

No, not Elmer FUD, though now I can't get him out of my head ("Kill the witing! Kill the witing!" Yes I'm weird and twisted. This is your final warning.). I'm talking about Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt, the Three Stooges who constantly poke at my eyes and fling cream pies about the place. Nyuvk, nycuk, nyuck!

I am revising "A Time to Every Purpose" with the idea in mind of submitting it to the Writers of the Future Contest. I keep threatening to send them something, but I always chicken out. FUD. Revision is really tough when I'm looking at a goal that seems so impossibly high. I know I'm a good writer, but am I really THAT good? Will I ever be? Why bother trying? FUD.

I guess this is an obstacle course without a finish line. You know the old adage: No matter how good you are, there's always somebody better. I'll never be as good as I want to be. That's tough to realize, but it's also a constant source of anger and determination to get better. I'll show me! I'll be the best that ever was! Right.

On days like today, when FUD weighs heavy on my mind, the temptation is strong to just chuck it. It would be so easy to just walk away. I've failed at so many things in my life, what's one more. I've cut my feet on shattered dreams more than once. I'm not going to do it, though. I won't allow myself. This dream of being a writer is such an integral part of who I am that I might as well just lie down and die if I should allow myself to just quit. No, I'll soldier on. The FUD fog will lift after a while, and I can get on with learning and practicing and submitting and filing my rejection letters.

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